What Does Tom Brady’s Inbox REALLY Look Like

Tom Brady — and more specifically: Tom’s Phone — has gotten a lot of heat recently for what may or may not be nestled snugly in that i-Phone inbox.  In case you somehow missed it: Tom has been suspended 4 games by the most powerful court in the land: The NFL.  While Roger Goodell was busy going all Judge Dredd out there on Patriots fans (*Author’s note: who shouldn’t be too worried about a rested, pissed off Brady coming back for the remaining 12 games of next year) the public at large has been wondering what was really in Tom’s phone.

While I don’t know what his phone might have looked like around the time in question, I have a pretty good idea of what Tom Brady’s inbox looked like this morning.  How do I know?  Because he decided he’d had enough of speculation and he wanted to turn his phone over to a serious journalist.  Let’s take a look at Tom Brady’s inbox:

Pretty telling stuff.  And while there’s no direct mentions in there referencing anything we can presume to be guilt or innocence, it does paint a pretty interesting picture of what life is like off the field for Mr. Ugg.

FIN

Bill Belichick’s Daily Super Bowl Calendar is Revealed!

Bill Belichick is one busy dude.  It’s the week of the biggest sporting event of the year and he’s got balls to discuss, asses to kick, and emotions to try to overcome.  Alright, so that last one was definitely a lie.  But he’s definitely got the other two parts of that statement.

So what does a control-freak like Billy B. find himself doing the week before the Super Bowl?  How does a guy with an impeccable organizational structure and planning keep himself right on schedule? By planning everything out during his daily schedule to a T.  That’s how.

Utilizing our top-secret sources, hidden deep within the Patriots organization, we were able to obtain a screenshot of Bill Belichick’s calendar for today’s Super Bowl related activities.

(*Author’s note: as always, I apologize for the crappy formatting, but if you click on the image, all will be revealed.)

FIN

Text From Last Night: Deflategate Edition

Over the last few days we’ve all become certifiable experts on PSI, ball inflation, and have found ourselves inundated with #deflategate and all the insanity the comes with an extra long week of NFL Super Bowl hype.  Yesterday, Tom Brady addressed the media and went into excruciating detail about the minutiae of how he picks out his footballs for use in the games.

He denied any and all allegations of tampering with the pigskin.  Tom Brady, according to Tom Brady, always has and always will play fair.  But you can bet that as soon as Tom stepped off that podium and headed back to his supermodel wife his phone was exploding with text messages.

Fortunately for you, we’ve partnered up with everyone’s favorite perv-hackers – you know, the ones who have made every celebrity cower in fear as they feverishly attempted to delete their sext messages from “The Cloud”— and managed to get just a snippet of some of the texts that were sent to Tom Brady last night.

---

A confused former Tour de France champion weighed in with his opinion on the matter.

---

Tom’s favorite Red-Zone Target wanted to extend his heartfelt support.

---

New England Running back, and most ironically named human on earth, LeGarrette Blount reached out to offer his thoughts.

---

Tom’s long-time adversary fired off a quick, parody-song-laden text.

---

Tom was even getting accidental texts last night!

---

Tom received nothing but support from his long-time coach.

---

A mystery texter weighed in with thoughts on a possible replacement, should Brady get suspended.

---

Even the Dallas Cowboys had players reaching out to Brady.

---

Even the defensive players from the Patriots were showing their support for their QB.

---

None other than the ‘Ole Gunslinger made a textual appearance on Brady’s phone.

FIN

Texts From Last Night: Peyton Manning Edition

Last night, Denver Bronco’s quarterback Peyton Manning broke the NFL’s alltime Touchdown Passing mark, leaping to the top of the heap with 510 TDs and powering past Brett Favre’s previous mark of 508 en route to a beatdown of my beloved San Franciso 49ers.  Much was made over an future hall of famer doing future hall of famer stuff.  We saw the commotion that occurred on the field after Peyton etched his name into the annals of sports history (*Author’s note: which should prove to be only slightly more permanent than that gigantic red-spot on his forehead) and we’ve heard all about his on-field exploits.

But what about off the field?  We may have seen the Twitterverse weighing in as other great athletes paid their respects to Peyton.  But what were some of the more personal, more intimate messages Peyton received last night after making history?

Fortunately for you, we’ve partnered up with everyone’s favorite perv-hackers – you know, the ones who have made every celebrity cower in fear as they feverishly attempted to delete their sext messages from “The Cloud”— and managed to get just a snippet of some of the texts that were sent to Peyton Manning last night.

Here are a few for your viewing pleasure.

---

Of, course, Peyton’s younger brother checked in.

---

And the athlete soon-to-be known as inmate 277-P476 also showed some love.

---

Peyton’s former owner from the Colts, Jim Irsay took time out from his busy schedule to send a heartfelt congratulations.

---

Longtime Peyton Manning nemesis, and consummate spokesman, Tom Brady sent in a quick message.

---

From one QB at the peak of his powers, to another, Florida State’s Jameis Winston sent in a congratulatory message.

---

And The Ole’ Gunslinger even weighed in with a multi-part personal message for Peyton (Part I)

---

Brett (Part II)

FIN