Posts Tagged ‘New England Patriots’

Tom Brady — and more specifically: Tom’s Phone — has gotten a lot of heat recently for what may or may not be nestled snugly in that i-Phone inbox.  In case you somehow missed it: Tom has been suspended 4 games by the most powerful court in the land: The NFL.  While Roger Goodell was busy going all Judge Dredd out there on Patriots fans (*Author’s note: who shouldn’t be too worried about a rested, pissed off Brady coming back for the remaining 12 games of next year) the public at large has been wondering what was really in Tom’s phone.

While I don’t know what his phone might have looked like around the time in question, I have a pretty good idea of what Tom Brady’s inbox looked like this morning.  How do I know?  Because he decided he’d had enough of speculation and he wanted to turn his phone over to a serious journalist.  Let’s take a look at Tom Brady’s inbox:

Brady's Inbox

Pretty telling stuff.  And while there’s no direct mentions in there referencing anything we can presume to be guilt or innocence, it does paint a pretty interesting picture of what life is like off the field for Mr. Ugg.

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Bill Belichick is one busy dude.  It’s the week of the biggest sporting event of the year and he’s got balls to discuss, asses to kick, and emotions to try to overcome.  Alright, so that last one was definitely a lie.  But he’s definitely got the other two parts of that statement.

So what does a control-freak like Billy B. find himself doing the week before the Super Bowl?  How does a guy with an impeccable organizational structure and planning keep himself right on schedule? By planning everything out during his daily schedule to a T.  That’s how.

Utilizing our top-secret sources, hidden deep within the Patriots organization, we were able to obtain a screenshot of Bill Belichick’s calendar for today’s Super Bowl related activities.

(*Author’s note: as always, I apologize for the crappy formatting, but if you click on the image, all will be revealed.)

Belichick

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In a July 8th report by IGN, an EA spokespersons for NCAA Football 2014 and Madden NFL 25 confirmed that they had decided to remove Aaron Hernandez off of several of their “Ultimate Teams.”  While this wasn’t that shocking, all things considered, it got me wondering what Hernandez’s stats would have looked like in other video games.  After all, this whole Hernandez murder trial sure seemed a lot like what would happen to a guy that played way too much Grand Theft Auto and believed for a moment that he’d slipped into a David Chappelle created reality that mixed one of the most fun-violent games with our everyday world.

So I went on a mission.  I did a little digging deep into the archives of the third greatest sports video game ever (*Author’t note: 1) NBA JAM TE 2) Shaq Fu 3) Tecmo Bowl) and came out with a startling discovery.  Why, if only we’d have seen this sooner this whole fiasco could’ve been avoided.  Who needs to read tea leaves or consult with a voodoo priestess to see the future when it was staring us in the face all along, buried deep within the omniscient digital tomes of Tecmo?

If only the police had just gotten onto an old school Nintendo and checked the stats this whole thing could’ve been avoided.

Hernandez

In case you’re wondering, I have already started the script for this Sci-Fi (*Author’s note: or should I say, SyFy) thriller.  Tecmurder Bowl: There’s Nothing Super About It will be available for script-optioning in the very near future.  I’ll be expecting a call, Spielberg.

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