Archive for the ‘Burnaudio’ Category

Garth Brooks is in Omaha, Nebraska right now.  If you’re living anywhere near the entire state of Nebraska, there’s a good chance you’ve been touched by the madness or at least know someone who has.  He’s doing something like 10 shows in 5 nights or something utterly insane like that and the people around where I live can’t seem to get enough.

I thought this would be the perfect time to dig into my personal writing archives and pull out my old, failed, script: College Musical which is a musical featuring genre-stretching parodies as it follows around a group of college students trying to catch a coke-snorting Dean of Admissions and out his corruption.  In short: it’s ridiculous.  However, one of the songs has been rattling around in my brain all week: Butterfaces.

In the scene featuring this parody of Garth’s legendary sing-along-song, Friends in Low Places, one of our characters is trying to come to grips with the fact that he has a crippling addiction to butterfaces.  After he knocks down a few brews, suddenly his senses dissipate and he’s on the prowl.

Is he the hunter?  Or is he being hunted?  Is he a but-his-face?  Is that even a thing for girls?

Just listen to the song.

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On November 30th, 2014 a coach named Bo Pelini disappeared for the second time that year.  The first time was on November 22nd in Madison, Wisconsin — and well get to more on that later — but this was his second time going missing.  And this time it was for good.

Skerial, a new Podcast from NCB, investigates the mysterious circumstances and the conspiracy theories that abound surrounding the former Nebraska Football lightning rod.  Episode two investigates the ever-deepening mystery and sees our first phone contact with the enigmatic Bo Pelini.

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On November 30th, 2014 a coach named Bo Pelini disappeared for the second time that year.  The first time was on November 22nd in Madison, Wisconsin — and well get to more on that later — but this was his second time going missing.  And this time it was for good.

Skerial, a new Podcast from NCB, investigates the mysterious circumstances and the conspiracy theories that abound surrounding the former Nebraska Football lightning rod.  Episode one sets the scene.

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Long ago, when I was still a wet-behind-the-ears blogger just learning how to share files on the internet I came up with a recurring segment called “The Friday F.U.s”  These absurd, ranting, hater-of-the-year mix tape sessions were a hit with my 11 faithful followers. It’s 2015, now.  I’m a grizzled veteran of the blogosphere.  I over-tweet and under-think.  In short, shit has gotten real.  But that rage?  That palpable need to give a 7 and 1/2 minute long F.U. to someone?  That’s still there.

Today I address the annoyance of the office Gym Guy.  We all know him.  We all despise him.  So I let off a little steam and pointed that middle finger directly in his direction.

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Nebraska Cornhusker defensive coordinator John Papuchis is a master motivator.  He first got on the mic to spit hot fire prior to Nebraska’s game against the Miami Hurricanes in early September.  Then, in an effort to fire up the team, he once again stepped into the booth to show off his lyrical chops prior to the Wisconsin game.  But with two smash hits that had been tearing up the charts for months, what would coach Papuchis do?  His mentor and head coach Bo Pelini was fired on November 30,2014 and so Papuchis had one last chance to rally the troops and show what he was made of.

It begs the question: what does a man who knows his time has come do to send off one last parting shot?  He.  Brings.  The.  Heat.

Here’s John Papuchis’ third and final diss track, as he takes aim at the Trojans and — as usual — says his own name a lot.  Utilizing a secret source in the inner circles of Nebraska football, we were able to obtain an exclusive leaked copy of Papuchis’ latest single.  Shots fired!  (*Author’s note: the lyrics are transcribed below)

(Lyrics)

To all the Trojans at the bowl with red and gold
I’m going all in, Ho, so you gots to fold
Who’s the bro who keeps it chill, when everybody’s getting canned?
I’m the man with the plan, and the Whoop-ass can
So let’s crack it open, and let’s have us a taste
Here’s my resume, son, so just copy and paste
Defensive P. Diddy, I can’t stop, won’t stop
Treat your QB like the beat, just wait for him to drop
Stadium full of Real Housewives, Call ‘em Bethanny Frankels
Let’s be clear, it’s Ameer, breaking Josh Shaw’s ankles
I’m more Mack than Lemore, watch more film than Cannes
Might be playin’ USC but I’m the real Trojan man
Charlie’s Angels 2, man, we’re coming full throttle
Only time I respect Sark is when it’s Cutty in a bottle
Yeah you might have Miley, but I’m Heating: Pat Riley
So what Snoop ‘s on your side, I got a Cable Guy

(I love it when you call me Papuchis)
Throw your hands in the air, if yous a true player
(I love it when you call me Papuchis)
To my defense sacking QBs and I’m blitzin’ with Newby
(I love it when you call me Papuchis)
If you got a job up at your school, then just hire me  fool
Casue I got a defense tonight that will be rolling with JP
JP

It’s Papuchis’ defense, let me make that clear
It’s time for bone-crushing hits, those are called Pap Smears
Agin’ like fine wine, here comes our dope D-line
To San Diego which is German for a Whale’s Vagin
Trojan women looking like Mickey Rourke in the Wrestler
Here comes that blitz, comin’ for a Kessler yessir.
Running circles round you suckers, winnin’ the race
Carving up your o-line like it’s Bruce Jenner’s face
More ill than ebola, always a high rolla
John Papuchis Jr. has got 20’s on his stroller
Ain’t no way that Papuchis and his boys gonna fail
Even though Pelini’s gone, we had a BoGo sale
Will we win, of course I’m a human Trojan horse
And luck? May it be with you, like it’s Jedi Force
Bouncing back for a win, got a team like flubber, tell those Trojan Men that JP don’t wear a rubber.

(I love it when you call me Papuchis)
Throw your hands in the air, if yous a true player
(I love it when you call me Papuchis)
To my defense sacking QBs and I’m blitzin’ with Newby
(I love it when you call me Papuchis)
If you got a job up at your school, then just hire me  fool
Casue I got a defense tonight that will be rolling with JP
JP

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(Author’s note: Osborne’s crowning achievement while involved in the University of Nebraska-Lincoln’s athletic department?  Starring in this poster promoting Lincoln School Libraries with me.  I’m the kid on the far left whose haircut is more suspect than an OJ Simpson alibi and whose shorts pretty much demand to be worn by Will Smith in season 3 of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.)

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Ed Cunningham recently decided to have a sit down with Burnpoetry to try and clear his name with Husker fans.  He failed.  Here’s a recorded conversation from the interview.  Enjoy.

http://www2.uhaveaudio.com/1288905303_32

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