8 Reasons Mike Riley Should Hire Chad Ochocinco (Or Whatever His Name is Now) as a WR Coach at Nebraska

Posted: January 8, 2015 in Sports
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

So, Coach Riley.  You’re looking for a wide receivers coach, huh?

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You need someone to mold the minds, hearts, and hands of young men within Nebraska’s hallowed halls?  Boy, do I have the guy for you.

Teeth

image courtesy of: this-aint-george-forman.tumblr.com

BOOM!  That sound is the clinking, gold-teeth-jangling grin of your new coach as you announce him to the media.

Here are 8 reasons Mike Riley should hire former Oregon State Wide Receiver, Chad Ochocinco, as his new WR coach.

1.  We all wanted a splash hire?  How’s this for a splash!  Cannonballllll!

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That’s the number of Twitter followers that Ochocinco has.  That’s roughly twice as many people as we have in our entire state.


2.  You need someone to recruit?  Chad once convinced 85 women to sell their souls to Vh-1 for the meager chance of reality TV show stardom and a shot to repeatedly make out with him while shout at a group of scantily clad ex and or current strippers at love.

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3.  He’ll work for cheap.  According to sources, Ocho is only making 70 grand Canadian.  Which is my math serves me right means: he’ll work for peanuts just to make sure that he’s no longer in Canada.

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4.  His love of football is unmatched.  Kind of.  Or at least he likes the smell.  Which sounds creepy, but trust me it. . .isn’t?


5.  His ability to manage a diverse array of personalities in order to work towards a common goal.  I mean, he appeared to legitimately not hate Terrell Owens.  How many real life, actual human beings can say that on this planet?

Tocho


6.  His die-hard physical fitness routine would wear off on the team and they would quickly find themselves up doing push-ups at 5 AM with their coach.


7.  Ochocinco: Philanthropist.  The man gives back to his community.


8.  I don’t know, I mean, I guess he was pretty good at football for a while.Stats

In conclusion: just hire the man, already.  If you don’t think we should hire Chad Ochocinco?  Child please.

FIN

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