Earlier this week, University of Nebraska middle linebacker Josh Banderas was arrested for stealing a bunch of bikes from a campus bike rack.

He partnered up with fellow Nebraska athlete  (*Author’s note: who participates in a non-revenue sport, so no one really cares, other than his parents and the kids who now have to go-it-on-foot to the Student Union’s Runza) to hijack 7 bikes, valued at roughly $1,700.

While this isn’t a huge story for anyone not in Nebraska, it does pose an interesting question: what would you do if you were Josh Banderas right now?  You’ve just been accused of what could potentially be felony theft.

Here are a couple of things that would do.  Consider this my OJ Simpson style If I Did It (*Author’s note: minus the whole, “being a murderer” thing).

If I were Josh Banderas and I just got caught stealing a bunch of bikes here are some things I would do.

– Try to push the blame off on noted campus bike thief, I Need Money:

– Attempt to convince campus police that Bo Pelini is actually an alien and that his only hope of returning to his home planet would’ve been by throwing his undoubtedly angry, alien ass into the basket of a bike, stealing 6 more for my friends and then gleefully avoiding the authorities on a harrowing ride through town.

Bike

– Call up Marshall Henderson and see if his “Friend Who is Graduating in Psychology” would, like. . .you know, do a case study on how stolen bikes effect the psyche of college students at the University of Nebraska.

Capture

–  Blame Taylor Martinez

Tmag

–  Recommend that, in an effort to get the most thorough, detailed, investigation on this case, the UNL Police Department should contact representatives from the Tallahassee Police Department and Florida State University Campus PD.

Jameis

–  See if the police will believe that you were only doing your part to further a grassroots initiative called WWLPD (*Author’s note: What Would Lawrence Phillips Do?)

WWLPD

– Offer to restitution to the students whose bikes I stole.  I would do this by promising to ride them personally on the handlebars of their bikes to class on the first day of the fall semester.

–  See if Carl Pelini can recommend a good attorney.

FIN

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