Burnpoetry Presents: A Bunch of Dumb Jokes About Johnny Rodgers’ Heisman Fashion Statement

Posted: December 16, 2013 in Pop Culture, Sports
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

On Saturday December 14th, 2013, Jameis Winston won the Heisman Trophy.  He was the youngest to ever achieve the feat, snatching the prestigious award after a phenomenal season.  Blah, blah, blabbity blah.

I’m sorry, I lost focus because the entire time Jameis was up there being famous, I was staring at an off-Broadway production of Midnight Cowboy.  (*Author’s note: uh-oh, did that sounds racist?  Not what I meant by that reference) that starred none other than Johnny “the Jet” Rodgers.  Yes, Jameis Winston may have won the Heisman, but on Saturday night we were all winners when the greatest receiver in Nebraska history stepped onto the dais wearing a cowboy hat, a red suit coat, and a bolo tie that hasn’t gotten this much screentime since Pulp Fiction.

Yes, Mr. Rodgers took us all to his neighborhood.  And it looked a little like this:

1st

Let the crappy jokes begin!

–  Johnny looked like he was wearing a collaborative fashion creation by these two guys.

–  The Heisman pretty much went as most predicted this past weekend, but there was one huge upset: somehow Johnny Rodgers finally overthrew the record for worst black-cowboy-hat-paired-with-grotesquely-red-jacket combo in awards show history.  You had a hell of a run, Ashton Kutcher at the Academy of Country Music Awards, but it’s Johnny’s time to shine.

–  Did you guys ever used to play “One of These Things is Not Like the Others” on Sesame Street when you were a kid?

Bigbird

–  On the plus side, Johnny did make it the full 8 seconds, so kudos on that.

–  Johnny’s outfit was so bad that we immediately ran out of words to describe it verbally.  Fortunately, the Heisman Trust provided us with a top-notch international interpreter to more accurately describe Johnny’s suit via sign language.

sign

–  I think this woman accurately sums up all of our feelings for Johnny’s suit.Sideeye

–  Johnny’s outfit can’t decide whether it wants to ride a bull or stab one to death while shouting “toro!” in a Spanish arena.

–  Even A.J. McCarron’s chest tat was like, “whoa, dial it back a bit, bro!”

–  In his defense, he was probably just acting out.  Sometimes people really aren’t themselves when they’re suffering from post-pardon depression.

–  After last year’s outfit worn by Mike Rozier, and this outfit worn by Johnny, what comes next?  Seriously what can top the past two years of fashion atrocities?  Eric Crouch in full KISS regalia?

Crouch

–  With such a momentously garish outfit, I feel like we need to come up with a name for Johnny’s latest fashion statement.  Let’s see: a firm dedication to brutalizing our 1080p?  Check.  An attempt to hijack an award show by sheer force of outfit?  Check.  Weirdly dressed like an extra in a Cormac McCarthy parody skit on Saturday Night Live and repeatedly being shown cowboy creepin’ behind Jameis Winston’s back?  Check.  I’ve got it. . .

Ladies and gentleman, I present to you: Bjorkback Mountain.

Bjork

FIN

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Comments
  1. […] came out in what I all the fashion blogs were referring to as “Bjorkback Mountain”, combining the sheer insanity of Bjork and the rugged ocular homicide of cocaine cowboy […]

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