Aaron Hernandez’s “Tecmo Bowl” Stats Revealed

Posted: July 9, 2013 in Sports
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

In a July 8th report by IGN, an EA spokespersons for NCAA Football 2014 and Madden NFL 25 confirmed that they had decided to remove Aaron Hernandez off of several of their “Ultimate Teams.”  While this wasn’t that shocking, all things considered, it got me wondering what Hernandez’s stats would have looked like in other video games.  After all, this whole Hernandez murder trial sure seemed a lot like what would happen to a guy that played way too much Grand Theft Auto and believed for a moment that he’d slipped into a David Chappelle created reality that mixed one of the most fun-violent games with our everyday world.

So I went on a mission.  I did a little digging deep into the archives of the third greatest sports video game ever (*Author’t note: 1) NBA JAM TE 2) Shaq Fu 3) Tecmo Bowl) and came out with a startling discovery.  Why, if only we’d have seen this sooner this whole fiasco could’ve been avoided.  Who needs to read tea leaves or consult with a voodoo priestess to see the future when it was staring us in the face all along, buried deep within the omniscient digital tomes of Tecmo?

If only the police had just gotten onto an old school Nintendo and checked the stats this whole thing could’ve been avoided.


In case you’re wondering, I have already started the script for this Sci-Fi (*Author’s note: or should I say, SyFy) thriller.  Tecmurder Bowl: There’s Nothing Super About It will be available for script-optioning in the very near future.  I’ll be expecting a call, Spielberg.



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