Rejected Court Designs for Nebraska Basketball’s Pinnacle Bank Arena

Posted: April 12, 2013 in Sports
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Nebraska Cornhuskers are getting a new basketball arena.  A sparkling gem of modernity that, university officials hope, will spark a resurgent interest in the much maligned program.  It’s a fresh, sparkling start for a team that desperately wants to put the past few seasons behind them.  So, even though the Bob Devaney Sports Center held many a fond memory, a good deal of people are excited to see it fading into the rearview mirror as the team moves down to their brand-spanking-new digs.  The floor design for Pinnacle Bank arena was just released yesterday.  Here’s what it will look like:

Personally?  I love it.  I love the state logo in the middle, replete with the proud Husker “N”.  It’s part old school, part new school, and every bit the splashy, interesting new look that should help cleanse the collective palate.

Is it weird that another bank is sponsoring the floor, even though it’s located inside Pinnacle Bank Arena?  Kind of.  Will some people think the colored three point lines and state outline at center court are making the court a little too busy?  I suppose.  But, on the whole, I think this floor could be home to some of the best Husker basketball memories yet.

But what did the other floor plans look like?  What were some of the designs that  didn’t make the cut?  Burnpoetry has obtained an exclusive look at some of the other floor plans for the Pinnacle Bank Arena that were rejected, for one reason or another (*Author’s note: some obvious, others not so much) along with a brief explanation of what the general idea was behind the plan.

#1.  Ghost of Sadler Past. . .Court

Spooky.

Spooky.

Replete with a ghoulish 101-89 record, the Ghost of Sadler Past is a haunting reminder of the last coach who came along and briefly provided us the same kind of hope that Tim Miles has done.  Sadler, too, was a charismatic man.  He, too, was from a smaller school that he took to the NCAA Tournament in spite of the staggering odds and lack of funding/basketball tradition.

While the plan was ultimately rejected, due to the fact that Sadler is A) still way too alive to technically be a ghost, and B) coaching for the KU Basketball powerhouse at the moment, the pasty mask of anguish that was set to haunt center court has been forever burned into my consciousness.

#2.  #suckitIowa Court

Hashtag Suckit

This idea is fairly self-explanatory.  Designed by legendary artist, and Omaha native, Frank Lloyd Wrong, this stirring, emotional, anti-tribute to the state directly to our East is a visceral blitzkrieg on your senses.  Designed after having a fever-dream, brought on by grain alcohol and four helpings of corn on the cob, Wrong allegedly created his masterpiece overnight.

Coupling his artistic genius with the University of Nebraska’s desire to modernize and branch out onto social networking sites, they were able to create a one-of-a-kind court design that, ultimately fell just short of approval.  Damn you, Shawn Eichorst.  Damn you.

#3.  Starbury Court

College athletics is big business.  It’s a simple truth in 2013 that schools want to make the largest amount of money that they can, be it from Ad revenue, ticket sales, or merchandising.  Nebraska is no exception.  In a secret, underground auctioning process, the Husker athletic staff attempted to sell off the rights to naming the court to a shoe company.

After Nike bailed, Reebok pulled out, Adidas balked, Skecher Shape-Ups fell through, Timberland boots canceled, and FILA didn’t return Nebraska’s calls there was only one last option on the table.

Starbury.

The creation of legendarily head-tatted Stephon Marbury (*Author’s note: AKA “Starbury”), this shoe brand rose to infamy in 2006 despite the fact that he hadn’t been worth a damn on the court in at least two years, due to its $15.00 price tag.

The Huskers ultimately decided to pull the plug on this particular line of endorsement since Stephon is currently playing in China for a team called the Beijing Ducks.

#4.  Wait, we have a basketball team in this state? LOLOLOLOLOL. Court

Football

Created by famous Husker tailgate aficionado, Hammered Jerry, after drunkenly staring at ‘Lil Red’s balloon-face for 25 minutes during the pre-game festivities at Memorial Stadium this tribute to Husker football is a monument to one man’s belief that it will always be stunningly hilarious to ask, “Wait, we have a basketball team in this state?” anytime anyone mentions the Nebraska Men’s Basketball team.

Hammered Jerry, known for slurringly shouting this catchphrase at the TV in his parents’ basement during Nebraska basketball highlights on the local news, became so overcome with his own high-brow, intellectual humor that he felt compelled to send in this artist’s rendering of what the court should look like at the new arena.

In the end it received zero votes, no praise, and only Jerry was left laughing.  Alone.  In his parents’ basement.

#5.  Timmenator Court

Timmenator

No one knows for sure where this court design came from.  Legend has it that a naked Arnold Schwarzenegger appeared in a ball of lightning, drew this sketch on a white board in Shawn Eichorst’s office and then walked out to the tune of “Bad to the Bone” by George Thorogood, never to be seen again.  Until they release The Expendables 3: Expendable Harder.

The athletic department eventually decided that this logo was too intimidating, too darkly brilliant to be allowed to sit at center court of the new arena.  The cost of hiring more floor wipers, to sop up the inevitable urine of the opposing team as they repeatedly peed their pants in fear of the Timmenator, was deemed too immense.

Not wanting to waste such sublime beauty, however, the University sent this piece to the Louvre where it was immediately hung up over the Mona Lisa, blocking out the now-less-famous piece.  Not even Tom Hanks with a terrible haircut has been able to decipher the complexities of this piece, but you will now have to go to France to see it in any non-digital format.

FIN

Advertisements
Comments
  1. d says:

    Hahahahahahaha

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s