Burnpoetry Presents: 6 Reasons to Root For Wichita State

Posted: March 30, 2013 in Sports
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

(*Author’s note: This story was originally entitled, “4 Reasons to Root for Wichita State.”  I sat down with a calculator and some graphing paper and realized that I can’t count worth a damn and amended that title.  My bad.)

Later today the Wichita State Shockers will play for a chance to advance to the final four in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament.  I went to Wichita State for two amazing years and, in spite of scoring a GPA lower than the temperatures at the bottom of a dry-ice freezer, they were some of the best years I had in college.

For many of you non-Wichita-State-ers out there you may be saying to yourself, “I don’t have a dog in this fight.  I don’t have any rooting affiliations and I don’t give a damn if Wichita makes the Final Four.”  Here’s why you should:

Greg Marshall’s Glasses

That’s Wichita State head coach, Greg Marshall.  And if you look close enough you’ll see that he’s rocking gold on his glasses.  That’s right.  Greg Marshall has gone all King Midas up in this piece.  Dude looks like he has Trinidad James as his optometrist.  How can you not love the gold frame-job on the specs?  Forget looking at things through rose-tinted glasses, how about looking at the game through gold frames, son?!?!

Oh, and he’s a really good coach, too.  So there’s that.

Thad Matta’s Nose

Forget rooting for Wichita.  How about rooting against the pomposity, the over-funded cash machine of Ohio State?  How about rooting against Thad Matta’s bulbous, big-enough-to-shop-vac-in-rails-of-cocaine nose?

Tim Tebow Does It

But don’t hold that against them. Just because the most talked about 3rd string QB/demigod/Undies pitchman is a fan doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be.  Tebow may be saving “it” for marriage, but he didn’t hesitate to hop into fan-bed with the boys from Shock U and that should tell you something. Just trust me, he’s better at picking teams to root for than he is at throwing the back shoulder fade.

And speaking of football. . .

Wichita State University Doesn’t Have a Football Team

And, while it doesn’t suck as much as you might think, the Shockers could use some nationally publicized sports pub.  Why doesn’t it suck?  First, they have die-hard basketball fans who passionately cram into the circular confines of Charles Koch Arena and harass the opposition. Second, they routinely head down to watch the Shocker baseball team as they are near-the-top-of-the-Valley contenders every year.

The baseball stadium is BYOB.  This is exactly as awesome as it sounds.

Part collegiate sporting event, part centerfield Mardi Gras, when you’re crushing beers on a gorgeous spring day and watching high quality baseball, the gaping hole in the fall football schedule seems pretty far away.

They Have the First Ever Pizza Hut Located on Their Campus

“Oh, you like $10 large pizzas?  You’re welcome.” – Wichita State

The Shocker

Who doesn’t love throwing up an obscene gesture and completely getting away with it?  You can be standing next to your grandmother, toss up two-handed, high-flying shockers and not only will no one care, but odds are someone will join you in your NC-17 salute.

When I visited WSU on my recruiting trip I was so enamored with the fact that their crowd uniformly tossed up shocker-hands during free throws that I started doing it at my high school with my friends.  The tradition stuck because, well, who doesn’t like being dirty when they’re 18-years-old, right? (*Author’s note: or 26, for that matter.)  They only had the Shocker-hands banned a few years ago when administration discovered what it meant. Damn you, Google.

So think about it, America.  You can root for the multi-million dollar evil corporation that arrogantly refers to themselves as “The” Ohio State University.  You can root for a beak-nosed blasphemer whose name is another word for the respect he deserves (*Author’s note: just a tad).

Or you can sit back, enjoying your delicious Pizza Hut, listen to the awe-inspiring Tebowing words of beauty, and you can toss 6-8 fingers into the air in a societally-okayed-based-on-mascot salute that would normally get you a reprimand and a sideways grimace from your mother. Who you gonna go with, people?

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FIN

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