Spotted on the Sidelines Sunday Night

Posted: September 18, 2012 in Sports
Tags: , , , , , , ,

This guy.


And this isn’t the first time, either.  Here’s a picture that I snapped during last year’s NFC Championship game.  After seeing his unkempt mane, flapping in the night air, my concentration was totally shot.  The 49ers lost the game, but no one lost more than this guy that night.

Who is this elusive, mulleted beast roaming the San Francisco 49ers’ sideline?  Where did this pornstachioed, wind-whipped, waterboarding of the eyes come from?

After snapping a few Zapruder-quality photos of this elusive, cryptozoological enigma, here’s what we’ve got.

Rapid Fire Theories

–  The San Francisco 49ers have an elaborate marketing scheme in place with Keystone Light on their latest spokesman: Keith Stone, Jr.

–  Jim Harbaugh is so intense that the team has hired a literal, flesh-and-blood comic relief to shadow him and bring him laughs at every turn.  A court jester of the 21st century.

–  Garth from Wayne’s World had a son.  That son has somehow infiltrated the 49ers organization, grown an incredible tribute to 1988 all over his scalp and face and is now working directly with Harbaugh.

–  He was hired on in an effort to promote facial diversity on their staff.

–  The Mayans were right.



  1. d says:

    I’m imagining the epic-level spit take that probably knocked your television off the stand when you saw this guy show up again. I hope no bystanders were injured.

  2. […] data.  Kind of.  I’ve detailed this youthful Keith Stone impersonator before on my blog, and even posited a few theories on who he may be or why he’s there, but regardless of the reasoning behind it, the 49ers need to keep him on camera as much as […]

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