Well, faithful Burnpoetry readers, the upcoming Husker game is slated to be a night game.  And it’s an away game.  Which means?  You’ll probably be watching at a bar or a raging house party.  Whether you’re at a Lounge, Bar, Keggar, or sneaking drinks in the Best Buy bathroom while you watch the game on their 57 T.V.’s you need to have a companion.  A wingman if you will.  Not necessarily a “Goose” to your “Maverick”, but at the very least a “Sundown” to fly alongside you for the full enjoyment of the game.  Well, look no further.  Just take along a copy of the Nebraska V.S. A&M Drinking game and you’ll be all set.

Take One Drink When:

–  You see a closeup of a cadet going buck wild.
–  Kirk Herbstreit blatantly hates on Nebraska.
–  Kirk Herbstreit mentions his homoerotic fixation with Boise St.
–  The cameras show Jerrod Johnson on the sidelines.
–  You hear the word “Ankle.”
–  The A&M Fans kick into a practiced, communisty-block-looking synchronized cheer.
–  Rex Burkhead takes a Wildcat snap.
–  Taylor Martinez “magically” fumbles the ball.
–  Carl Pelini dials up a blitz so confusing that Ryan Tannehill nearly adds a brown stripe to his red and white uniform pants.
–  Someone who you’re watching with just now notices that LaVonte David already has nine tackles.
–  Prince Amukamara breaks up a pass, Brent Musberger breaks up his name.
–  The announcers give way too much props to the “12th man” (AKA The Fans.)  Can you imagine how loud a Husker game would be if we had half that many student tickets?  It would make Kyle Field sound like Love Library.

Take Two Drinks When:

–  Taylor Martinez breaks someone off and flies through a hole like a Ferrari outrunning police and someone shouts, “Looks like his ankle’s just fine!”
–  The cameras show a cut-away of Bo shouting at an official and he looks like he might bite the refs face off like a sideline version of Hannibal Lecter.
–  Niles Paul goes all “Mr. Hyde” on us and drops a pass/fumbles/runs a kick0ff out after deliberating whether he should or not longer than the O.J. jury.
–  Niles Paul goes all “Dr. Jekyll” and catches a short, oddly thrown pass from Martinez and turns it into a big gain/touchdown/moment when you shout, “Why doesn’t he always play like that?!?!”
–  Martinez’s high school passing stats are thrown at us by ABC.  No pun intended.
–  Texas A&M scores and the announcers almost cheer openly.
–  Vonn Miller sacks Martinez and everyone north Kansas flinches in Unison.
–  They show the traditional “Kiss after a TD” that makes A&M look like a hippy orgie from the ’60s but with much shorter hair.
–  The announcers say, “The Huskers control their own destiny in the Big XII.”
–  ABC shows a replay of Maurice Purify’s game-winning TD against A&M in 2006.

Take 3 Drinks When:

–  DeJon Gomes appears out of thin air like some character from X-Men (Nightcrawler for those of you nerdy enough to give a damn) and makes a great play for a turnover.
–  The announcers mention the fact that Dennard’s almost as good as Amukamara.
–  Herbstreit and Musberger discuss the BCS and someone you’re watching with gets angry about the system.
–  Kyler Reed blows past a hapless safety or linebacker and catches a deep ball.
–  Roy Helu Jr. hurdles someone in the open field and/or surges throw a TE opened gap and makes a big gain.
–  The announcers mention that Bo Pelini worked with Mike Sherman in the NFL.
–  There’s a beer commercial on.

Chug it. . .Chug it. . .When:

–  The Blackshirts pick off Tannehill and make him wish he was back playing Wide Receiver.
–  Martinez is hit with a closeup and you notice his ears look even better in Hi-Def.
–  The Huskers clinch the Big 12 north and Bo Pelini claims not to care.
–  The Announcers mention how quiet Kyle Field has become due to Huskers’ dominance.
–  The Huskers spike their Big 12 North trophy and Eric Martin stomps it into pieces at the 50 yard line.

FIN

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Comments
  1. Sue Tolles says:

    Ooooooo I only wish it wish it had gone so well. Fun game.

  2. madhat says:

    Hey, BP, how about some serious (vs. humorous) thoughts about Coach Pelini. He honestly has me worried.

  3. kaitlin says:

    makes me want to drink alchoholic beverages

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