ISU V.S. NU: Post-Nearly-Soiling-My-Pants-Game Analysis

Posted: November 8, 2010 in Sports
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As I sit down to write this, my heart is still jack-hammering in my chest.  That’s what happens when you watch your favorite team almost blow it.  That’s what happens when you sit through 4 quarters of football where a program that, essentially, amounts to your program’s little brother takes you the distance. 

One time I beat my older brother in a game of handball and he promptly kicked my ass afterwards.  I was oddly reminded of this beating by the Nebraska V.S. Iowa State game on Saturday.  The little brother fought and clawed and took the game into overtime.  But they ended up getting punched right in the gut to end the whole ordeal.

Here are some things I noticed during the game.

The Quarterback “Situation”

After a week of speculation, smoke screens and outright B.S. by the Pelini Bros., Cody Green did, indeed, get the start.  Taylor Martinez suited up but got in on 1 play and his biggest impact was setting a single-game record for “Times Shown on Camera While Riding a Stationary Bike.” 

Much like “The Situation” off of “Jersey Shore”, it would seem that Pelini’s talk this week was mostly flamboyant bluster.  When it came time for the kickoff to begin, Pelini’s early-week confidence was shown to be as phony as a Jersey Boardwalk spray tan.  Despite claiming repeatedly throughout the year that he had equal confidence in all three quarterbacks Pelini showed that not only did he not have confidence in Cody Green, but that he had more confidence in Rex Burkhead taking the team’s snaps.

Our offense looked sluggish, even more one-dimensional, and simply average against an ISU defense that ranked in the 90’s nationally against the run.  Here’s to hoping Taylor Martinez can heal quickly and save us from the “grenades” that are Zac Lee and Cody Green.

You Can Talk the Refs Into Calling a Fumble?

This may seem like sour grapes, considering we won the game, but was anyone else completely incensed when Paul Rhoads essentially told the refs to call a fumble on Roy Helu, they inexplicably listened, and reversed their original call to give ISU the ball?  It was a fumble, that much is clear.  However, it appeared to me that the refs had no intention of reviewing the play until Rhoads decided to cry foul.

Last I checked, this is a football field, not a court of law.  It was as if Rhoads shouted out “Objection, your honor!” and the refs, normally required to over-rule such drivel, instead sustained his complaint.  In the 3rd quarter when one of the refs sustained some kind of pansy-injury, I took an even sicker joy in watching his old, striped ass hit the turf than normal.  Looks like Karma, at times, can wear Red and White.

Bo’s Halftime Interview

Bo was jogging off the field, after falling behind by 3 to a team that we should have run off the turf, when he was caught up to by ABC’s Quint Kessenich.  Kessenich didn’t stand a chance.  As he jogged next to Pelini, he might as well have been putting on clown shoes and preparing to run through a minefield.  Bo’s eyes burned like red-hot embers, his nostrils flared, and Kessenich asked him about some crap from the game.

I don’t remember the exact interview questions, as I was bracing myself for Bo to commit first degree murder on national T.V., but I do remember that it was the angriest mid-game interview I’ve seen.  You would’ve thought Kessenich was interviewing a falsely convicted man on his way to the chair.

Niles Comes Up Un-Clutch

The much maligned Niles Paul seems determined to stay that way.  He fumbled a crucial late-game kick return.  Since I was stuck at work for the game, and consequently looking for a plunger for one of the guests at my hotel, I missed this particular gem from Paul.  However, it did leave me to wonder who was in deeper shit: Paul with the special teams coordinator, or the guest plunging his toilet in room 313.

Paul Rhoads Hands Us a “W”

I’m not sure if I remember a game where the opposing team’s coach was: A) shown so much on camera, skipping around like a 11-year-old at recess even though he looked more like a ruddy, grandfatherly dude and B) possessing all the momentum, 3 timeouts, a kicker that had hit an otherworldly long 57-yard kick earlier in the game, and enough time to at least take a few shots downfield at a very shaky looking Anthony West, and chose to kneel it and kill the clock.

Rhoads further gambled when, after scoring a touchdown, he put the game into his holders hands and watched as he threw a lofting, shaky pass that was picked off by Eric Hagg in the endzone.  In short, if NU wins the Big 12 North campaign, our biggest contributor might be just down the Rhoads from Ames.  Get it?  Get it? (*Author’s Note: I apologize.)

Random Thoughts From the Game

–  That sinking, pit-of-your stomach sensation; the weird, tremulous, just-felt-a-strange-fear-tinged-motion-while-in-an-elevator-that-makes-you-queasy  in your belly?  That’s the feeling of Shawn Watson scheming in the offensive coordinator booth without Martinez at his disposal.  I’m sure most of you felt that along with me during Saturday’s game.  Damn, do we need Martinez back.

–  A customer comes in, during the early stages of the game, looking for a room and I almost tell him it will cost “Go-screw-yourself-.99”  Thanks for the terrible first half, Nebraska.

–  How often did they show Paul Rhoads being overly amped up?  Did he snort a crystal meth chaser after his usual dose of Centrum Silver?

–  In OT we choose to go into the wind?  How many times can our captains botch a coin-toss?  Am I the only one who’s terrified that they’ll somehow botch the coin toss against KU and we’ll end up electing to “forfeit.”

–  Bo’s nose was running like a faucet in the post-game interview.  What, Adidas doesn’t make Kleenex?

–  As our game drew to a close, ABC cut away to an interview with Joe Paterno.  He’s disshelved, rambling, incoherent, and may have soiled himself.  Coincidentally, Joe-Pa looks how I feel.


  1. Glenn says:

    Your Aunt always said that she doesn’t care what the Huskers win by just as long as they win. She was changing her tune on that game. I think they went into the wind because Iowa State would probably pass and that was to our advantage. It worked.

  2. Sue Tolles says:

    I liked the wildcat system with Burkhead, it worked. Green……… not the player everyone thinks he is. That game reminded me of a Missouri game with “the catch”. I was sick of watching the Iowa State coach too. Bo’s reaction to the half time questions is the main reason most of those asking the the questions are young attractive women.

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