Parody Poems: Making fun of William Wordsworth

Posted: September 15, 2010 in Burn Poetry
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

One of the requirements of graduating from the University of Give-Us-Your-Money is to take a capstone class.  This course, for me, involves reading a lot of the Romantic poets.  Fortunately, my teacher recently allowed us the option of parodying a few of the poems from the class.  I was overly proud of my attempt at humor, an all-too-frequent occurrence as you all can attest, and these pieces were the end result.  I’ll attempt to explain them, since they are specifically designed to make fun of poems by William Wordsworth.

We were supposed to pick out certain motifs from Wordsworth’s work and utilize them in our work.  He had a weird, and often highly scrutinized by psycho-analytic minds, propensity to have women turn out to be dead at the ends of his works.  I wasn’t sure how the teacher would react to this writing, or the fact that it was inherently dirty and tongue-in-cheek.  Turns out, he loved it.  I hope you do too.

The first piece is based on a poem by Wordsworth entitled “Nutting.”  This poem, as the name might suggest, is full of sexual innuendos.  Even though it’s presumably about a man stumbling into a wooded glen, it’s rife with questionable sexual connotations and served to thoroughly weird out a good portion of the class.  Wordsworth loved nature, but this one was a little much.  Here’s the link to the poem.  And here’s my attempt at parodying it.

A Busted Nut

As I strolled past Tintern, my heart was alight
To find a wooded glen tucked away out of sight.
When I happened upon it I found myself with wood
All around me, and I stopped and I stood.
Where I caught my breath and prepared to beat off
The mosquitoes that often reside in glens, like a winter’s eve cough.
I reached down in my pants and busted a nut
That I pulled from my pocket and ate a sweet hazelnut.
It was sweet and delicious and I found myself stiff
with the Autumn’s coolness, and then I waited for Tiff.
The girl I awaited, ah me!  She is dead
No surprise there, but now I’ll get no head
Stone for my love, she’s better resting in nature.

The second piece I wrote more closely followed the original style of the poem, if not at all its meaning.  It was about a guy riding his horse to his lovers’ house who suddenly becomes dreadfully worried that she’ll be dead when he gets there.  You don’t get it, I don’t get it, it was just another self-indulgent penning by a guy that could be great if he actually tried (see: Tintern Abbey).  The poem was entitled “Strange Fits of Passion I Have Known.”  Here’s the link to the original.  And here’s my attempted parody

Weird Times of Tingling, I Guess

And I will dare to text,
But to my homeboy’s I-Phone,
The shit that happened next.

When that chick from night class,
The One I showed you on Facebook,
I to her dorm hauled ass.
To sneak in past her resident advisor, like a professional crook.

Upon the streetlight I fixed my eye,
All over 17th and vine,
Doing at least 50, I cut across “Y”
To try to make her mine.

And once I reched her parking lot
And got out of my Oldsmobile
The light began to fizzle hot
And a thin trickle of fear began suddenly to steal.

Perhaps this is the liquor talking,
I’ve been pounding down some Boone’s!
And all the while I kept on walking
Hoping that I’d get there soon.

I kept on walking; flip-flops flip and flopping,
I stole stealthily into night.
When, at once, the light that was flashing suddenly ground to stopping
And I looked up with a tremor of fright.

What worried, and booze-filled thoughts will worm
Into my head, a sinking sensation, like a fall
“Oh shit, what if,” I said aloud, fighting down a squirm
“Lucy’s got a different booty call?!?”

And now she’s dead.
TTYL.  😦

*And that, along with another poem that I chose to omit, is how I achieved my best grade ever on an English paper.



  1. Sue Tolles says:

    I think I can cross 1 poet off my list of “to read”.

  2. madhat says:

    FYI – we (T & T) read Tintern Abbey whilst looking out upon the ruins. “Perchance to see a lark!”

  3. kudos to your prof for having a sense of humor …

    And also, good poems. The “weird” assignments in english tended to be the only ones I did well on.

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