Boise State: The Bane of College Football

Posted: September 1, 2010 in Sports
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I hope Boise State gets killed this Monday night when they play Virginia Tech.  It’s not that I’m a fan of the Hokies.  In fact after last season’s heartbreaking, last second loss to the team I like to call “Beamer’s Bastards”, I’m still disgruntled enough to thoroughly wish them ill.  It’s that I can’t stand Boise State.  In fact, I hate them.  I want their annoying, pandering, “Boise is undefeated so they should be in the national title game” dreams to be crushed right from the jump.

This team, located in the bastion of potatoes and racism that is Idaho, has skyrocketed into the sports media’s consciousness since they joined Division 1A football  in 1999.  Since then they have continually run afoul of my enjoyment of the entire sport and interrupted my unabashed love affair with everything involved in collegiate football.  Here’s why I hope Boise State gets sucker punched this year.

The Blue Turf is Stupid

Some people think that the awful, eye-raping blue field that has become such a trademark of Boise Football is cool.  Some people think it is downright awful.  One thing is for certain: it’s unique.  But being unique doesn’t mean it’s good.  John Wayne Gacy was unique.  And he was a serial killer.  Michael Jackson was unique. . .then he kept getting unique-er.

The point is this: why would you allow such a travesty to assail your fans’ eyes just so you can get national publicity?  When I watch games played on the blue turf I can’t decide if I’m tripping on acid, watching water polo, or need to adjust the HDMI cables on the back of my T.V.  Seriously the field looks like something the set directors from “Avatar” designed.  If your football product is good enough you shouldn’t have to have stupid gimmicks like turf that looks like a painting of a lake done by a 4th grader during “specials.”

They’re Constantly Overrated

When I was a freshman at Lincoln High School there was an incredible sprinter that transferred to Lincoln Southeast in the spring.  Due to the rules regarding transfers he was required to sit out a semester from varsity competition.  However, he was allowed to run for the J.V. team.  I’ll never forget what it was like watching him run in J.V. meets.  He destroyed the competition.  He won 100 meter races by 30 meters.  He went on to win 3 state sprinting championships the next year and he was racing against completely inferior competition.  That’s what Boise State is.  They’re a varsity runner, that’s pretty good, going against J.V. competition.  The Broncos are currently members of the WAC conference and have been beating all of their inferior competition like a collective dirty rug.

Boise State will change conferences in 2011 to. . .wait for it. . .another shitty conference.  Taking a bold step into the known, the Broncos will join the Mountain West Conference.  It’s cliched to even say it at this point, but their too-scared-to-join-the-big-boys philosophy makes them overwhelmingly underwhelming.

Somehow these tricksters have weaseled their way into a pre-season #3 ranking this year.  How many times are we going to be subjected to having to hear Boise State supporters whining and complaining when they don’t get their names mentioned in the National Championship Talks?  That would be like a rec-league softball player claiming he needs to make the MLB all-star team because he was batting .700.

If Boise State would grow a set, join the Pac-10, and stop hiding behind beatdowns on Utah State and Louisiana Tech then maybe we wouldn’t have to listen to pundits debate the merits of having a small school in the title game ad nauseum.

Those are my 2 biggest problems with them, but here’s some random hating

Kellen Moore’s face looks more like a horse than the team mascot.

How many times are we going to be subjected to highlight packages on Boise State that focus on them beating Oklahoma 4 frigging years ago?  I don’t care that they pulled some sweet trick plays back during my sophomore year of college.  I don’t care that Ian Johnson whipped Bobby Stoops’ ass on national T.V. and then proposed to his girlfriend.  I don’t care that Jared Zabranski, the QB during that game had one of the worst sports ‘tats in the history of the game; a Z on his white-trash bicept that was supposed to look like Zorro’s signature letter, when all it really looked like was “Diesel-dick, the tattoo artist’s finest work.”

In Conclusion:

I hope Boise loses to Virginia Tech by 30.  I hope they try some of their “patented trick plays” and Frank Beamer’s Bastards separate Kellen Moore’s Mr. Ed looking teeth from his gums with a bevy of shattering hits.  I hope Boise continues to lose so I can get back to not remembering they exist.  After all, Idaho should stick to what they know best: potatoes and Klan rallies.

FIN

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Comments
  1. Go Boise State! Sorry but this article is off base. Boise is being hated on by bigger teams fans. Only because Boise is proof there should be a playoff system in CFB. The bigger conferences and teams don’t want this. They make too much money from their hand selected schedules and bull shit bowl games. There is no legitimacy in CFB. I love listening to people brag about their teams and I just laugh. “You do know all College Football is right? A farm system for the NFL. Who wins and looses doesn’t matter because the champions are selected by a computer and voters.” Boise is breaking it all up for the big money schools and they HATE it. They are better than most of the big teams and you can see the bile spill out from the big schools fan base. You want to talk smack? Demand for a playoff system. Until then College Football is the most rigged and pointless sport in America. It is fun to watch players for the draft though. Go Boise break the system so I don’t have to hear about the same five teams every season! Hope they go to the championship game this year just so the fans hating on them can just fume for no reason.

  2. hannah says:

    Trust me, I share the hate for Boise State and it has nothing to do with a fear of playoffs….the BCS is bullshit, ask any Nebraska fan. Fear of a BCS shakeup is probably why they put that second on the clock at the end of the Texas game. So, no, we’re not scared of Boise State “actually getting a chance”….we really just think they are overhyped and could not actually hang with the big boys. And the blue turf is atrocious.

  3. Sue Tolles says:

    I agree…… I don’t think Boise State should be considered in the BCS. And you can be sure that V. Tech will beat them.

  4. SpotJ says:

    Hey Chris, enjoy watching Nebraska languish in a different conference.

    Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate…

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