Little Leaguers, Big Waste of Time

Posted: August 27, 2010 in Sports
Tags: , , , , ,

Why is the Little League World Series on ESPN?  I know that this is the slowest, most miserable time of the sporting year, this has been well-documented.  WNBA highlights are painful reminders of my time spent playing on Freshman Boys “B” team at Lincoln High School, although we had better athletes, and pre-season football games are as pointless as racing on a treadmill, but still it seems that every time I turn on the T.V. looking for real sports I end up seeing some pre-pubescent little scrubs hauling ass around 60-foot base paths.  Baseball’s bad enough to watch on T.V. when it’s played by ‘roided up sluggers and elite level athletes, let alone when it features a group of tweens toeing the basepaths.

The bottom line is this: the kids don’t need this much attention and I don’t want to give it to them.  ESPN has hijacked what used to be kids having fun and turned it into a pressure-cooker.  Yeah, they go out of their way to show the kids having fun, pulling goofy faces and posing for the cameras like miniature Usain Bolts, but these kids won’t ever be the same after getting face time in primetime on the biggest sports network on the planet.

These kids should be going to Chuck E. Cheese post-game, not doing interviews with Stuart Scott and major media outlets.  They should be more worried about when the next Comic Book movie is coming out to theatres, not worrying about the coach benching them in public.  When I was as old as these kids were I was a total idiot.  While little has changed, I still thought Will Smith was a good rapper at 13 and I was a total moron at 11.

In fact, at 11 I wasn’t far removed from my M.C. Hammer stage.  Yes, when I was the same age as the kids I now am forced to watch in highlight packages during “Sportscenter” I was dancing around my mother’s living room in Zooba pants to “Can’t Touch This.”  I still maintain to this day that if I built a time machine that would only work to take me back in time to one point in history. . .it would be back to my mom’s living room all those years ago so that I could kick my own ass.  But that’s neither here nor there.

The thing these network executives don’t take into consideration is that these kids are at a fragile age.  When you’re 11, 12, or 13 you’re in those delicate years where you’ve just started to realize that you want to try to look cool to impress girls.  Can you imagine getting your ass whooped, and confidence shattered, when you were 13?  And make no mistake, some of these kids do get stomped out.  At 13, dudesare starting to realize for the first time that if they play their 8th grade, slow-dance-to-Celine-Dion-cards right, that a girl might actually kiss them.

Imagine for a moment, if you will, that you’re a 13-year-old dude.  You and your posse of other dumbass tweens are out trolling your local movie theatre for girls, after just finishing watching “4 Fast 4 Furious.”  You finally find a girl that doesn’t have braces and you prepare to move in for the kill.  She looks up at you from behind her Miley Cyrus brand glasses, brushes her damn-I-wish-I-looked-more-like-a-character-from-“Twilight”-hair out of her face and says, “Hey, you’re the guy that gave up 5 homeruns to Chinese Tapei and then were caught on camera crying in the dugout, right?  Way to embarrass America.”

You’ll probably either give up on baseball or women on the spot.

The point is this: little league baseball is a great part of pre-teen life in America.  But so is doing the slip and slide in your parents front yard, riding bikes in endless loops around the block and sneaking a drink of Jack Daniels from your parents stash and nearly dying when you taste the stuff.  But those don’t need to be on T.V.  Neither does the Little League World Series.


  1. madhat says:

    Those were great, nostalgic days to look back upon. I do hope these elite athletes aren’t robbed of their youth. Two questions, Chris: What about Cat-woman? and Jack Daniels – what?!?!

  2. theweeklyargus says:

    The biggest problem it creates is it just gives kids an even larger false sense of entitlement than they already have.

  3. Vicki says:

    You dont want to encourage little kids with big dreams? I see you guys must be losers whem young!

    • burnpoetry says:

      I have not problem with the little kids doing well for themselves. Just the fact that I have to watch them when I could be watching better sporting events. Thanks for your imput, though, Vicki.

  4. tokyo5 says:

    I like your writing style. It’s very humorous.

    I can see your point…but as this year’s championship match is Japan vs USA, I’m interested in it.

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