Germany V.S. Argentina Drinking Game

Posted: July 2, 2010 in Sports
Tags: , , ,

In honor of the World Cup being sponsored by a beer company and the fact that I love to create drinking games, I have developed what I feel is a fool-proof way to get smashed and enjoy a high-quality soccer game all at once.  Is the game at 9 A.M. here in Nebraska?  Yes.  That’s why I recommend you put your beers into the fridge tonight so they’re cold for breakfast.

Take 1 Drink When:

You Hear the word “vuvuzela”
A British dude says the word “brilliant”
You see some soccer fan dressed like they’re competing on “Rue Paul’s Drag Race”
The coverage attempts to get multi-cultural with it by having a child speak a foreign language when English would’ve done fine
The announcers sound like they’re prepared to blow Lionel Messi
The word “controversial” is used, either to describe Germany’s goal against England or Argentina coach, Diego Maradona
Any player for either team takes a dive and throws their arms into the air like someone just sniped them
Someone watching makes a reference to Nazis
Someone watching realizes/comments on the fact that Frodo Baggins’ “Shire United” soccer team has more height than Argentina
Messi scores
Miroslav Klose scores
Someone goes up for a header and completely whiffs
Take 2 Drinks When:
The announcers compare Messi to Maradona
Anyone on the field is described as diminutive or hulking
Someone lays on the field appearing to be dead, only to hop up and continue playing when they receive the penalty call
Someone is called offside
Some a-hole watching says “that looks like that one hurt” about a header
They show a slow-mo closeup of either goalie screaming like he’s been shanked
There’s a corner kick and some idiot (usually me) says, “Uh-Oh!” in an overly loud and dramatic voice
Take 3 Drinkes When:
Someone in your group of T.V. watchers botches a German team member’s name
Maradona leaps into/onto one of the members of the Argentina sideline for a “I’m really, really comfortable with my manhood” hug
Chug It. . .Chug it When:
Kobe Bryant’s love of Messi is mentioned
A shot goes caroming off the crossbar and everyone screams
Anyone goes sliding on their back with their arms out to celebrate a goal
It goes to a shootout
Sit back, pop a cold one and enjoy what should be an incredible game.

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